Save Me
by ariyahnuh
Summary: Story begins mid 11x21. Derek survives the car accident and can continue to live a life with Meredith and prove how much he loves her. Things are a bit different in my land, I hope you'll enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

"Ma'am? Is this the home of Derek Shepherd?" Police. Red and blue flashing lights filled the wooden house Derek had built for her and left Meredith with a strong feeling of uneasiness.

"It is, he's my husband." She carefully replied, her voice a twinge of fear.

"I'm afraid theres been an accident, can you come with us please?"

Panic began to set in and Meredith quickly thought of the worst. There was a plane crash today, Derek had missed his meeting, and now there were police at her house requesting her presence somewhere. Meredith gathered her children and followed the police car to a hospital near Sea-Tac where she knew she would find a very different life waiting for her. She knew her husband was dead. The love of her life was taken from her when she just got him back. That thought crashed down on her like a ton of bricks and she couldn't breathe.

When she arrived at the hospital a social worker took her children and a nurse came out to greet her. Meredith took in her surroundings; the ER wasn't as vast as Grey Sloan's but the beds were full. She saw a blonde woman and her young daughter sitting by her side, an unconscious teenage girl with her crying mother by her side, and an unconscious teenage boy with his parents by his side. Then she saw blood on the floor and she panicked. Blood, it's just blood.

"Dr. Grey, right this way please," the nurse motioned her towards a room where she saw the familiar figure of her husband. Meredith held her breath as she stepped into the threshold of the hospital room. She gasped as she saw the figure come alive and a head turn to her.

"Hey." Derek mumbled, the words barely coming out of his throat.

"What did you do?" Meredith replied, elated and relieved but terrified.

"I did what I always do. Except I almost killed myself doing it."

"Don't make jokes I was scared." Worry filled Meredith's eyes as she replayed the past 24 hours in her head. Derek missing his meeting, a plane crash, Derek missing, and the cops showing up at her house.  
"No, don't be scared. I'm not going anywhere. Come here. Mmm, I'm right here." Derek soothed her as she climbed into this hospital bed, rested her head on his chest, and closed her eyes listening to her husband's heartbeat.

Derek had to stay hospitalized for another two weeks to make sure all was well after his surgeries. He was transferred to Grey Sloan so that he could receive the proper care he should have when arriving at Dillard Medical Center. Amelia ran tests on Derek to make sure everything was okay upon his arrival and monitored him the entire two weeks. Maggie offered to stay at the house to watch the kids so Meredith could spend the night at the hospital with Derek. She'd become obsessed with staring at her husband and watching his chest rise and fall with each breath he took, almost as if she was afraid if she looked away he would suddenly stop.

"Mer," She looked up from Derek's chest to meet his concerned eyes. It was the 4th day of the second week and Meredith was excited to be able to bring Derek home soon but terrified that he wouldn't be surrounded by such a big support system. She couldn't imagine what would happen if something went wrong and he wasn't surrounded by tons of medical staff. She would have to go back to work soon so she couldn't stay at home and watch him. She shook her head of the thought of something happening to him. She couldn't bare the pain of thinking about things like that. "What are you thinking about?"

"Do you remember when I said I could live without you?"

Derek hesitated. "Yes…but you didn't ever want to."

"I lied, I can't live without you. I don't ever want to have to live without you." Meredith said, full of panic and fear.

"You don't have to. You don't ever have to. 110 in your arms, remember? We've got a while to go, I promise." Derek has always been the calm, thoughtful one in the relationship. He thinks clearly and reacts with such grace, which is what obviously makes him a world renowned surgeon. Derek is always level headed and soothing with his patients and they all trust him within minutes of being in the same room as him.

Meredith relaxed and climbed into his hospital bed to rest beside him. He held her tightly and kissed her forehead. "Mer, you feel warm. Have you been feeling alright?" Another great doctorly quality about Derek that she couldn't help but fall in love with.

"Yeah, I'm just tired and achy."

"Have you been taking care of yourself? You sleep here every night, you're probably exhausted. And I haven't seen you eat since…I don't even remember the last time you ate. Mer…" Derek's worried and disapproving voice trailed off. Meredith shook her head and stroked his face, easing his worry lines.

"I'm okay, really. Worry about getting better so you can come home. I miss our bed. I miss being able to have sex with you at night and wake up naked next to you in the morning. I miss being able to do this." Meredith began to kiss Derek, first on his lips then on his chin and his neck. Derek went to go protest but stopped after realizing he would never win. He wasn't done with the conversation, he would never be because he was always worrying about Meredith but he decided his wife needed him in a different way tonight and he'd be there for her.

Meredith moved her lips down to his chest, pushing the hospital gown aside and tasting his skin. Derek let a moan escape from his lips as he ran his hands through her hair. Sure they had their privacy with the shades closed but someone could open the door at any moment and catch them. But Meredith was feeling risky and a little bit horny so she slipped her hand under Derek's gown and felt for him. She was automatically happy with herself when she found Derek was hard as a rock, she'd obviously done something right. She ran the tip of her finger across him and he moaned again. This time she covered his moan with her lips and drank in the sound of him.

"Take me for a ride, Derek," Meredith giggled, remembering one of their first nights together. Derek smiled and did just that.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek's head laceration was thankfully found early enough that the neurosurgeon could go in and repair the damage. When Derek woke up at Dillard Medical Center, before Meredith had arrived, he was reportedly drowsy, confused, and had vomited multiple times. All of these symptoms kept him under close monitoring and held him at the hospital for longer than she had hoped. But the two weeks at the hospital had come to an end and Meredith was finally able to take Derek home. Her previous worries were put to bed when she saw how well Derek had recovered in such a short amount of time. He still had aches from his surgeries and from, well, the fact that he got hit by a trunk but medically, he was good to go home. He couldn't go back to cutting right away but that only meant he had more time with the kids and more time to do research. It worked out in Derek's favor and he couldn't have been happier.

Meredith was happy to have her husband home so they could pick up where they left off before he left for DC. Things were rocky before his accident; Derek's sudden departure from DC and Renee was shady and upsetting but she tried to push it to the back of her mind and remind herself that Derek was here now and he was alive.

Derek would continue to work on his DC project from GSMH so that he would be able to progress his marriage and his family. He wanted more. More time, more bedtime stories with his two beautiful children, an extra few minutes laying in bed with Meredith before the alarm clock went off, more simple surgeries that reminded him of why he wanted to become a surgeon in the first place, _just more._ The morning of his accident, Derek had asked Meredith if she wanted to extend their family and try for another baby. She was shocked and maybe a little reluctant but she didn't say no and it made his heart beat a little faster each minute since. He wasn't quite sure how Meredith felt now after his accident and he didn't know how to bring it up to her that he still wanted to try. Coming from a big family, Derek had always imagined he'd have 5 or 6 kids with a big house and a big yard so they could play outside. That was until he met Meredith, of course. It wasn't that she wasn't motherly but she wasn't very family oriented. She didn't have much of a family besides a famous dead mom and a crappy dad so she didn't understand the true meaning of family and how much happiness it could bring you. However, Derek still had pounds of hope, she was a great mother to Zola and Bailey and he figured she'd be happy to try for a third if it meant more practice.

* * *

Meredith and Derek came home to a clean house filled with laughter from their children and the sweet scent of blueberry muffins coming from the kitchen. Maggie was a goddess. The mess that Meredith left the night the cops showed up was now picked up. There were no toys or books strewn across the living room floor, the kitchen counters looked as though they had been wiped down and the dishes were put away, and even the kids' rooms were neat. Maggie was, indeed, a goddess.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Zola ran up to the front door to greet her parents with a smile so bright it mimicked the sun. Meredith hadn't been home much since the accident. She'd stayed at the hospital for most of the two weeks, working and staying with Derek. Maggie had brought the kids to visit every few days but they Meredith and Derek didn't get to spend a proper amount of time with their

kids.

"Hi Zozo. What are you doing, baby?" Meredith said as she crouched down to pick up her daughter. Derek kissed Zola's cheek and ran his head over her

head.

"Me and bailey are playing puzzles in my room with aunt Maggie and aunt Lex." Derek and Meredith looked at each other.

"Aunt Lex?" Zola nodded as they pushed past their daughter and looked into her room. Sure enough there Lexie was sitting on the floor putting together a puzzle of horses running on the beach with Bailey and Maggie.

"Lexie! What are you doing here?" Meredith ran over to her sister and crouched down to hug her. Lexie's warm embrace reminded Meredith of how much she missed her sister.

"Amelia called to tell me about what happened. I tried to get a flight out here last week but I had a patient

that kept coding and I couldn't get away. I'm sorry." Turning to Derek Lexie said, "How are you? Were your stats okay today? Amelia said everything went okay with your surgery and you were recovering well. So you should be okay but, you know, the patient knows best." Lexie babbled much like Meredith does, it's a Grey thing.

Derek laughed and smiled, happy that Lexie was here. "Yes, I'm okay. I took some more time off to spend with the kids and recover a bit before getting back into surgery. How long are you here for?"

"I'm only here for the weekend, Mt. Sinai wouldn't give me more than that, you know how New York is, high profile patients everywhere. But we're going to make the most of the few days, I've already made plans to cook dinner for you guys tonight." Lexie smiled and got up, hugging Derek while he kissed the top of her hair.

"So glad you're here Lex. So, what's for dinner?" Derek flashed his million dollar smile and walked with Lexie into the kitchen.

* * *

Meredith and Maggie were cleaning up the puzzle from earlier while the kids helped Lexie cook dinner. "Thank you for your help these past two weeks. I really, really appreciate it. I'm sorry for dropping you with the house and the kids. Anything you need please don't hesitate to ask, ever." Meredith was so busy and worried the last two weeks that she hadn't even gotten around to thanking Maggie. She wondered how she got so lucky to have such amazing sisters, even if she didn't always know about them.

"Meredith, you're my sister and this is what family does for each other. Besides, I adore your kids I loved spending so much time with them. And your

house is beautiful I'm considering moving into your guest bedroom." Maggie definitely had more of Richard in her than Ellis, she was kind, supportive, and loving. Meredith was happy that Maggie was raised in the family that she was because she was able to possess such amazing family values. Whether she admitted it or not, Meredith learned a lot about family and about being a sister from Maggie and Lexie because they were raised by loving families. It was almost as if her dark and twisty side wasn't existent anymore.

"We'd be happy to have you over whenever, you're always welcome. The kids love you, you know, and I'm so thankful you're in their life. After Mark died and Lexie left, Zola was so heartbroken. Don't get me wrong, Amelia is great with them but, you know, you get on the floor and play with them and bake and just thank you." Meredith stopped herself before she embarked on a full babble session. She was still nervous sometimes around Maggie because she was brilliant and young and surgically speaking, resembled Ellis Grey more than Meredith did. Meredith was a great surgeon and she hoped one day she would be as extraordinary as her mother was but she couldn't help but think that Maggie, who was 5 years younger than Meredith, was already an excellent surgeon just like her mother. Derek didn't ease her work insecurities either when he constantly compared his work to hers, DC to Seattle. She was trying hard not to think of their previous fights before the accident but the wounds were still fresh and she hurt.

Maggie smiled at Meredith and nodded her head as they finished cleaning and went to join the others for dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith had been bent over the operating table since five am and the muscles in her back and neck were tight and achy. An eighteen year old girl named Maeve was in a car accident, head on collision with a drunk driver, and a piece of metal from the car was pierced through her abdomen. Meredith worked all morning to remove the object carefully and repair any damaged organs. Maeve made it through surgery and Meredith couldn't wait to tell her family. After she heard the news about Derek, she had felt so relieved to know he was okay and she wanted to be able to give other families that same relief. She quickly found the worried woman in the waiting room and approached her with a comforting smile.

"Mrs. Charles? Your daughter did excellent in surgery. Her stats are great, do you want to see her?" Meredith watched Maeve's mother as tears of joy slipped down her face and her shoulders slightly lifted as if thousand pound weights had been taken off of them. She showed the woman to Maeve's room and gave her privacy to visit her daughter. She watched as she sat by her daughter's bed and pushed her hair back, gently stroking her face and whispering soothing coos to her. Meredith naturally thought back to seeing Derek for the first time after his accident. She had been so stressed all day that when she finally saw him alive she thought she might explode with happiness and relief. She could only imagine Maeve's mom felt the same way standing above her daughter right now.

Meredith sat outside Maeve's room updating her chart when a familiar slim figure appeared into her view. "Lexie! I thought you went back to New York last night?" Lexie was only in for the weekend to make sure Derek was healthy and that Meredith was handling everything okay.

"I was going to but then Bailey asked me to stay for a surgery so I figured a couple more days couldn't hurt. Plus I really like being back here with you, Derek, and the kids. I've missed so much, Zola knows curse words already!" Lexie's smile was so bright as she told Meredith her good news, Meredith couldn't help but feel bright and shiny. In all honesty, she'd missed her sister and she hadn't realized there had been such a void in her heart until she came back.

"I swear Zola needs to get her mouth washed out with soap! Derek said 'fuck' one time in front of her and suddenly that's the only word Zola knows how to say," Meredith said with a hearty laugh. "But I'm really glad you're staying Lex, it won't totally suck having you around a bit longer." Meredith felt happiness and hopefulness course through her veins. Between all the fights with Derek about going to DC and Derek kissing Renee and then Derek almost dying, Meredith forgot what it was like to be happy and relaxed. She feared that once things really settled down her marital problems would resurface but she thought the fights and the issues wouldn't be so bad if Lexie was around. Lexie ALWAYS had this childlike, innocent giddiness to her as if nothing could truly bring her down.

When Mark died, Lexie was crushed, even more heartbroken than when her mother died. It was probably the only time Meredith had seen Lexie so dark and twisty in the years she'd known her. Very shortly after Mark died Lexie left for New York City to do her fellowship at Mount Sinai Hospital. She said she needed time away from Seattle because it brought her too much heartache to stay. At the time Meredith thought she was being irrational but after her experience with Derek's accident she could picture herself moving away if Derek hadn't made it. Of course they had kept in touch with Lexie, Zola begged Meredith and Derek to call her every single night right after she left. But as the months passed, they spoke less and less as they became busier with their changing lives. Meredith had been so wrapped up in her own crap with Derek she hadn't even thought to check in on her sister and see how her fellowship was going or how she was handling her grief or if she started having sex again regularly. She made a silent promise to herself to get to know Lexie again and try harder to keep in touch.

Their conversation was cut short when Lexie's pager blared. "Bailey 911. Ugh, gotta go! I'll see you at home, Mer." She quickly sprinted down the hall to the ORs, leaving Meredith alone once again. Meredith watched her sister go before heading to the lounge to get her stuff and head home to her gorgeous husband and kids.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own greys anatomy, just borrowing characters for my own amusement.**

 **WARNING: SMUT**

Derek woke up to an empty bed, a little sore and disappointed. He and Meredith had spent almost all night after the kids went to bed making love, fierce, passionate, kind of dirty love. Meredith had this urgency in her last night, almost as if she would die if she couldn't be with Derek. He understood her need, he had felt that way after her drowning and again after she had gotten clearance after having Bailey. They shared that need for each other after truly horrific accidents took place, they weren't sure why but they had an idea it was the thought of not being together again. He was excited to wake up to a naked Meredith and have sex once more before they started their day so he was upset to find her side of the bed unoccupied.

Derek glanced at the clock to find that it was only eight AM. He pulled himself out of bed, feeling all of his aches and pains. The muscles in his thighs were screaming with pain and his back was unusually sore. He hadn't realized how much he worked last night, but boy does Meredith know how to burn him out. Derek and Meredith had only had sex once since his accident and it had been that time in the hospital. Sure, it was great but only as great as it could be in a hospital. They had limited space and they couldn't be loud, which everyone knows they are pretty loud lovers.

Last night was like Meredith's way of saying, "welcome back" and Derek's way of proving his loyalty and love to Meredith.

 _You…you're everything. I love you and I'm not going to stop loving you. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to prove it._

Derek remembered his promise to Meredith before the accident. He didn't really think almost getting killed was a good way to prove himself so he'd have to make it up by providing mind-blowing sex and maybe some breakfast. He was kidding, of course. He knew it was going to take a lot of time to regain Meredith's trust and rebuild their marriage, something he so desperately wanted to do. Derek planned to start to prove himself to Meredith by staying at home with the kids for a couple more months rather than going back to work in two weeks like the chief said he could. He could work on some Brain Mapping stuff from his home computer when there were deadlines coming up. He was content with his career at this point and he really wanted Meredith to thrive. He had thrown so much doubt at her work and he never stopped to realize how badly he made Meredith feel. He knew she still felt that way but she would never say anything because that's the way she is, she bottles things, and keeps things from him. She had probably called Cristina to talk to her about her insecurities but Derek knew her well enough to know she was hurting and doubting the weight of her work.

Derek's heart sank as he remembered one of their fights. Meredith had called in sick to work one day shortly after they decided they were staying in Seattle so that Meredith could focus on her career. What Derek didn't know was that she had found out that Maggie was Ellis and Richard's daughter and she turned to Alex and a bottle of tequila to work through her crap and try to get over her mommy issues. She had showed up to the board meeting and Derek was concerned because she never calls in sick. But then when she said that she was fine, just a little drunk he was beyond pissed.

 _You said you had to stay here to make the most of your career._ When she tried to interrupt him and explain why she had stayed home he completely disregarded her and cut her off _Wait, so I gave up the Brain Mapping Initiative so you can play hooky and get drunk with your friends? Is that why we're staying in Seattle?_

He remembered spitting through his teeth at her. He could remember her face, a look of shock and hurt and pure anger. Her face said that she had given up, that their marriage was done. Derek was so insensitive to Meredith and her reasons for staying in Seattle. He knew it was hard for her to leave her home but he thought she would understand his need to be an active member of this project. Part of him even felt like she owed this to him after she destroyed his Alzheimer's trial. Of course once he found out about Maggie's parents he was there for Meredith but he wasn't very apologetic at the time for his words or actions. Now all he could think of was how sorry he was, he couldn't believe he was such a jerk to his wife. All Derek could feel lately, besides extreme thankfulness for his second chance at life, was guilt. Meredith had been taking such good care of him and he had been such an ass to her before his accident. He freaking kissed another woman and although he knew right away he only wanted to be with Meredith and that he missed his wife and kids, he still couldn't believe he had done such a thing. He was still shocked that Meredith even took him back but he was grateful and he couldn't wait to start proving to her that taking him back was a good idea, that he was a good, solid idea.

Derek quickly dressed and checked on the kids, they were still asleep, which was a blessing. They were normally up and running by this time but they had gone to bed much later the past few nights so that they could spend more time and catch up with their dad. He missed being a father so much. Sure, he missed his kids when he was in DC, but Derek never realized how much he enjoyed being around them and helping them. He couldn't help to feel a little sad that he'd missed seeing them grow up even in the slightest amount of time. He honestly was so excited to stay home with his kids and get to know them all over again.

Derek made his way throughout the house looking for Meredith, he figured she had woken up early and was drinking coffee on the porch or something. He was again matched with disappointment when he couldn't find her. He called her cell only to have the answering machine pick it up. He couldn't remember if she was on call or not but he assumed she had gotten called into the hospital earlier and he was in charge of the kids this morning.

Derek decided he was going to make the kids their favorite breakfast but when he tried to recall what their favorite food was he couldn't. Derek once again felt like shit. He wanted to curl up and disappear, he felt like such an ass and a failure and a terrible father. His father would've never forget his kids' favorite foods. Derek was sort of resembling Ellis Grey these days and he fucking hated it. His stomach rolled at the thought of calling Meredith her mother in a fight they had before he left for DC.

The self hatred was coming in strong today and Derek didn't think he could keep down much food if he tried so he settled with some coffee for himself and he would just make the kids eggs and pancakes. He promised himself he would jump full force back into his Seattle life. No more presidential meetings and suits and late nights working in labs and no more of Renee. He was more than happy to have more cuddle sessions and navy blue scrubs and early mornings making breakfast and more of Meredith.

When he was done making breakfast, Derek woke the kids up. They excitedly ran into the kitchen when they heard he had made pancakes. He was sure to make a mental note that pancakes were now the breakfast favorite in the Shepherd dream house. Derek went to the fridge and got out the whip cream and maraschino cherries he knew Meredith always kept hidden in the back. The kids squealed with happiness as he made a smiley face on their pancakes with the sugary goodies.

"Don't tell your mother I'm giving you guys all this sugar, please. She'll kill me." Derek told the kids with a smile and a wink.

"Of course we won't daddy! Mommy never lets us have sugar anymore because she says it'll make us crazy and then she'll go crazy. I don't really get it. Sugar is so yummy and it makes us so happy!" Zola rambled with big, bright eyes. Derek was sure that he could never say no to Zola. She has truly been the apple of his eye since day one.

"Yeah mama mean!" Bailey agreed in his not yet formed speech. Bailey was only two so he wasn't really using full sentences or pretty much any correct grammar.

"Hey, your mama is great Bails. I hope you guys didn't give her a hard time while I was in DC. She's been working so hard to make you guys happy." Derek knew his kids weren't actually mad at their mom for not allowing them sugar but he couldn't help but jump to her defense. He again thought guiltily of all the times Meredith probably had to handle the kids herself when they were giving her a tough time.

"Daddy, is your head booboo okay?" Zola asked as she peered up at Derek's head.

"Yes, Zozo I'm doing great. The booboo is almost all healed." It was true, he was recovery quickly with no headaches or nausea or anything.

"Can we play surgeons later so I can check it?" Zola asked.

"Yeah surgents surgents!" Bailey screamed, bouncing up and down. Derek obviously agreed, laughing and smiling the whole time.

Around one o'clock in the afternoon Derek stirred from his nap with the kids to the feel of lips on his forehead. He opened his eyes to find his beautiful wife kissing his head. "Hey. When did you get home? I didn't hear you come in." Derek caught his wife's lips in a kiss.

"Just now. Sorry I got called in around four AM. Poor girl got hit head on by a drunk driver. She made it, thank god. I just don't understand why people find the need to behave so carelessly." Meredith went on as she hung up her coat. She took a moment to look at her husband snuggled up with her kids on the couch. "God, I've missed this view. What'd you do to tire them out? Especially Zola, she never takes naps anymore."

Derek gently picked up the kids and moved them to the other couch so Meredith could sit with him while he caught her up on his day. She sat down next to him and leaned her back into his side so that she was laying on him while he played lightly with her hair. "We had such a fun packed morning. We drew pictures and then played with dolls and Legos. Then we had to clean everything up only so that they could take out their brand new kitchen and plastic foods to play chef and house, which by the way nice addition to the toy pile as if we really needed a make believe kitchen with every food item imagined, Mer. Then finally we played doctor so they could stab me in the head multiple times. They used my real stethoscope, it was so cute but definitely not fun when they dropped it on my head. Thank god we never actually gave Zola that suture kit for kids, I think she would actually cut into my brain." Derek truthfully did have the time of his life this morning playing with his kids, even if he did have to clean a big mess and get poked and prodded.

"Wow, sounds like quite the morning! How does your head feel? You shouldn't let the kids play with your head too much Derek. It's only been a couple weeks since your surgery." Meredith turned around and reached up to Derek's head, running her fingers along his very pink and still very new scar.

Derek only shrugged and said, "I'm okay. They were just having fun and they were gentle enough."

"If you say so. Please just be careful. I don't want any bleeders, okay? How have you been feeling? Any headaches? Or nausea? Shooting pains anywhere?" Meredith questioned, searching his face for any sign of pain or weakness. She came up with nothing as he smiled and shook his head, pressing his lips to hers once again and pulling her into a long, passionate kiss.

"How could I possibly have any pain with you around? Especially after a kiss like that one." Derek smiled at her as if she was the only thing in the world. She had missed him and that smile so much.

Meredith bit her lip and looked over to the kids. "How long have they been asleep?"

"I don't know, maybe like twenty minutes?" Derek said, confusion knitting together his eyebrows.

"Well when they nap its normally for an hour, hour and a half. You know what that leaves us time for?" Meredith asked suggestively. She smoothed her palm over his chest and brought her lips to his neck.

"Oh, a quickie. I love those, I've missed those." Derek grabbed Meredith's hand and led her to the bedroom, locking the door behind them.

Once inside, Derek attacked Meredith's neck. He licked at the spot he knew made her moan, effectively turning her on. He stripped off her shirt and then his own before she reached down to his belt. Her hands worked expertly at undoing his belt and the buttons to his jeans and then forcefully pushing down his pants. She ran her fingers against the now hard bulge in his boxers, eliciting a moan out of him. She slipped her fingers into his boxers and cupped him while she reconnected her lips with his. Derek couldn't take it anymore and pushed off his boxers, allowing his cock to spring free. Meredith pulled free from his mouth and dropped to her knees. Derek leaned up against the wall for support and threw his head back with a slight bang as Meredith's mouths enclosed around his hard length.

"Oh my god, Mer. Mmmm." Derek moaned as low as he could in such a pleasure-filled situation. Meredith's tongue continued to swirl around him. When she felt him tremble a bit, his normal warning that he was close, she quickly pushed him all the way into her mouth, feeling him enter her throat.

"Holy shit!" Derek barely was able to breathe at the sudden feel of the tightness. He grabbed hard onto Meredith's hair as she started humming with him in her throat. He couldn't hold it anymore and started jerking inside her mouth as he harshly finished.

"Wow, I forgot how good you were." Derek panted. Meredith replied with a wink as Derek's fingers worked to strip her of her bra. Once the article was discarded, he attacked her breasts with his mouth and hands, bringing her nipples to hard peaks. While he was sucking on one, his hands were flicking the other nipple. Meredith moaned, so happy her husband still knew exactly what to do to turn her on. Derek's mouth began to trail down her stomach, stopping when his tongue met her waistband. He helped Meredith push off her pants and the tiny strip of lace that covered her wet center. Derek got on his knees and gently pushed Meredith against the wall, hitching her leg onto his shoulder so that his mouth could reach her sweet pussy. His tongue pushed inside of her, quickly drawing a loud moan from the back of her throat. He ran his tongue throughout the length of her, stopping to push inside every chance he could. When he knew she was getting closer, he sucked at her clit and pushed two fingers inside of her, driving her crazy with pleasure. She squeezed her legs together hard on his face and hand as she felt herself getting closer. Most guys would pull away but the pain she inflicted only made Derek hungrier. He ravished her even more, bringing her quickly to finish. Meredith thrusted towards Derek's mouth and spilled, allowing him to lick up her sweet extract.

Derek came back up to her lips, kissing her hard, letting her taste herself on him. He pulled back to turn her around so that her hands were pressed up against the wall and he was facing her behind. They loved dirty quickies and nothing said dirty like taking her from behind. Meredith pushed her hands against the wall and stuck her ass towards Derek's hard member. His hands spread across her back, running down the length of her spine to grab hold of her ass. He squeezed her ass roughly and then quickly pushed into her. Meredith threw her head back in pleasure. Being taken from behind was her guilty pleasure and she loved that Derek was always up for it. She felt him grab onto her hair and pull as he thrust into her again. She tried to meet his thrusts to maximize their pleasure. She slide her hands farther down the wall, allowing herself to bend over more almost as if she was about to touch her toes. Her ass pushed farther into Derek's face, which she knew he loved. She felt Derek twitch a bit, knowing he was close to finishing. Realizing this too, Derek moved his hand in between her legs, working at her clit, flicking the sensitive nub just the way she likes.

"Oh Derek, keep going please. Don't stop, I'm SO close. Harder, Der, harder! Fuck me harder." Meredith begged. Derek still couldn't believe how dirty and demanding she could be in bed but he loved it about her. He granted her pleas as he slapped her ass hard and pounded into her another time. They both know she'd be marked up but they didn't care. "Ugh, Derek again. Please, help me finish. Fuck me Derek hard!" Derek again did as she asked. He smacked her ass, pulled out slightly and again rammed into her. Meredith cried out and her thighs tightened. Her pussy clenched his cock as he released inside of her. Shortly after, she spilled all around him. They lay against the way for a few minutes after, catching their breath and taking in the breathtaking, dirty sex they just had.

"Wow." Derek mumbled.

"Yeah. You've still got it, Der." Meredith teased. Derek laughed and kissed her back. God, she loved when he did that. It was such a sweet, loving gesture that she just couldn't get enough of. Derek pulled out of her and handed her her robe while he pulled on a pair of sweatpants.

"Do you hear the kids, are they up yet?" Derek asked.

Meredith pressed her ear to the door before replying, "No. Why do you wanna go again?" She teased, raising her eyebrows.

"No, I'm exhausted. Jesus, I think we've had more sex in the last twenty four hours than we've had our entire relationship." Derek joked. What a funny joke though, they both knew they were sex crazed and they'd done it way too many times to even think about counting. "I want to lie down with you for a little while. I didn't get to wake up with you this morning."

"Ugh, I was hoping for more sex." Meredith pouted, climbing into bed with her husband.

"Wow, you've been so horny lately. What's gotten into you?" Derek teased.

"I've just missed you and I've missed sex." Meredith laughed. As much as she loved sex, she always appreciated the times where they just lied in bed talking or cuddling.

"Trust me, Mer, you have no idea how much I've missed you." Derek scooted closer to Meredith, pulling her in for a kiss and cuddling her. They had both missed this. DC had ruined so many things for them and changed so many aspects of their relationship but reuniting had been so amazing so far. Neither of them could deny their attraction for each other still and their unfaltering need for each other. Meredith clutched tightly onto Derek, thinking of the time she almost didn't get to have this ever again. Derek clutched tightly back, kissing her head as she drifted off to sleep.

 **So I know this chapter was kind of a downer and kind of sucked since we all want merder to be happy and leave their problems in DC. But in reality, thats not how marriages work and thats not how merder would work on the show either. Derek was super mean to Meredith throughout some of 10 and most of 11. They were constantly fighting and going at each other's throats and thats not just something that goes away. Of course near death accidents will distract the hurt for a while but I think its important to bring it up and rehash some of those feelings of guilt and hurt and sadness. The next chapter will definitely have some kind of conversation between Meredith and Derek about the past but I promise to be nice! Also, I feel super responsible to represent these characters accurately so Meredith will continue to doubt herself compared to Derek a bit more and she will always lean more on Cristina than she does on Derek. You have to remember that merder's relationship wasn't necessarily one built on support but rather lust and attraction and relief. _It was like I was drowning and you save me._**

 **As always, leave some love, xx.**


	5. Chapter 5

**_I do not own Greys Anatomy just borrowing!_**

 ** _Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'll post soon after this don't worry._**

 ** _Enjoy this chapter. Don't hate me :)_**

* * *

 _Do you know why I_ _ **resent**_ _you?_

 _I did this for you. I gave up_ _ **everything**_ _for you._

 _No. I'm_ _ **done**_ _._

Meredith jumped out of her sleep from the nightmare of her last fight with Derek before he walked out on her and the kids to go to DC. She remembered feeling so hurt that Derek considered the brain mapping initiative "everything." Wasn't she everything? Weren't their kids everything? Wasn't their life together everything? She remembered trying to get Derek to listen to her but then telling him to go after he had been so spiteful. She also remembered throwing their post it vows in the trash and shattering the glass frame that held the post it. The glass, she thought, symbolized her shattered marriage.

Meredith rubbed the bad thoughts from her temples and peered at the clock. It was 5:30 PM already, how did she manage to stay asleep for so long? She felt Derek leave the bed as she drifted to sleep earlier but she didn't think she had slept for nearly four hours. She heard Derek and Zola's faint voices as she pulled herself out of bed and slipped some clothes on. She shuffled down the hallway to the kitchen to find her husband and daughter cooking dinner.

"Oh, she's awake! Hello, sleepyhead." Derek moved over to Meredith, kissing her forehead. Meredith grumbled quietly, still feeling tired and a little bit upset about her dream.

"Sweepyhead, sweepyhead!" Bailey came running from the living room with a toy truck in hand and jumped right into Meredith's arms.

Meredith picked Bailey up, giving him a kiss while Zola hugged onto her leg. "Oh, hello Mama's babies. Mama missed you guys this morning. I hope you weren't too much trouble for daddy."

"No mommy, we were perfect angels!" Zola insisted. Meredith looked questioningly at Derek, silently asking if they were behaved. He only responded with a smile and a nod.

"Oh, good! What are you guys making for dinner?" Meredith asked as she set Bailey back down on the floor so he could return to the living room to play. Zola returned to her step stool beside Derek.

"We're making meatloaf, mashed potatoes, spinach, and a salad. Chef Zola made the mashed potatoes all by herself." Derek beamed. What he really meant was that Zola poured in the ingredients and held Derek's hand as he stirred.

"You're making two vegetables? Ugh." Meredith made a disgusted face at her husband.

"Veggies are good, Mama! They make us grow really tall so we can ride roller coasters, Daddy said! And if we eat enough veggies, we'll live till we're 110!" Zola informed her.

 _I want to die when I'm 110 years old in your arms._

 _I want a lifetime._

All Meredith could do was roll her eyes and walk to the living room to plop down on the couch, visibly annoyed.

"Bailey, Zozo, go wash up for dinner please. Zola, help your brother." Derek demanded. Once the kids had left the room, he turned his attention to Meredith.

"What was that all about? You rolled your eyes and took an attitude with our _daughter?_ " Derek spit nastily at her.

"No, I rolled my eyes at you. Seriously Derek, enough with the 110 thing already. I'm sick of hearing about it. Don't make plans you don't intend to follow up on."

"What is your problem right now? What is making you so hateful? We were fine until you woke up." Derek questioned her. His eyebrows knit together with confusion and hurt. Meredith's bitter response stabbed him in the gut. He knew she was talking about the time he told her he wanted to spend a lifetime with her.

"Yeah well when I woke up, I woke up from this little lie we've been telling. We're not these happy people, Derek."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, I have to go to work and check on a patient. Don't wait up for me." Meredith quickly left the room, stopping only to give her kids a kiss goodnight and grab her coat and keys, before swiftly leaving the house. Derek had tried to call after her but it was no use, she was gone.

Meredith was half way to the hospital and had already ignored at least half a dozen calls from Derek. She felt like she couldn't breathe in the dream house for some reason. She felt like the walls were caving in and all she could see was Derek walking away from her, following Addison. Then kissing Rose in the scrub room. Then walking away from her after the incident with the Alzheimer's trial. Then walking away from her to leave for DC. Then kissing Renee in a lab in DC. Finally, images of a truck hitting Derek flooded her thoughts. It got harder and harder to breathe and Meredith couldn't figure out why all of these thoughts and feelings were resurfacing. She tried to make sense of everything, only bringing to light more bad memories of past fights.

 _You were supposed to be stepping back. You said "take this year and make it count and I'll make sure you can do it" and you lied._

 _Sorry I lied. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. You're being selfish._

 _Well I have to be, Derek, because you believe your career is more important than mine._

 _At this moment in time, it is._

 _No, not at this moment, always. You'll always be that hotshot surgeon and I'll always be that young intern that fell in love with you._

 _That's how you see yourself, that's your problem. I can't do anything about that._

Meredith felt a sob rise in her chest. When she was fighting with Derek, she was too angry to really feel any hurt. She was mostly just mad and wanted to have the last word. Now thinking back to all of their fights, she felt such sadness. Derek had never denied that she was still just the young intern that fell in love with him; he had simply just assigned the thought to her head. He never validated her worth or her career. And although she didn't need him to, she still wanted him to.

 _You're asking me to choose between this job and my family._

Meredith was asking him to do just that, figuring he couldn't possibly choose the job over her and the kids. But again, Derek only looked out for himself and chose the job. The sob traveled even farther, coming to a place in her throat. Why didn't he pick her? Didn't he learn that she's the better option? What about their kids? Was a fancy research project really worth more to him than his family?

"Grey?" A voice interrupted the questions in her head. "What are doing here, I thought you were off tonight."

Meredith turned around to face Miranda Bailey. She wasn't sure how to answer her without her knowing she was lying. Her silence was enough of an answer for Bailey as she shook her head and slightly smiled.

"Marriage troubles, I hear ya. You want in on a surgery? An appendectomy just came into the pit. You can pick a new intern and see if they're worthy of a job."

"Um, yes of course." Meredith replied, as if she would ever turn down torturing the newbies.

"Great. You can use OR 2, page whomever you would like."

Meredith felt fresh blood rush through her veins. She always had this feeling before surgery, like she was a new person and adrenaline wouldn't ever stop pumping. Meredith had got a good look at the new interns that started shortly after Derek's accident. There was Marsh, geeky and confident but not arrogant; Anderson, good looking but acts as if he doesn't know he's good looking; Matthews, she was driven and cocky; and Riley, she was smart and down to earth, definitely the making of a great doctor. So Meredith of course went with Anderson since she was mad at her husband and could use some good eye candy during an easy surgery.

A short while after the fresh-faced intern in light blue scrubs raced up the Meredith. "Hi Dr. Grey. You paged?"

"Hi, yes Dr. Anderson. I'm doing an api, you want to scrub in?"

"Yeah, I'd love to."

"Okay great, get going then. The patient is in room 2100, get him prepped and in OR 2 in twenty minutes please." Meredith couldn't help the tiny bit of flirtyness in her voice. She felt a little drawn to Anderson's good looks. He looked a bit like Mark did when she first met him and whether she admitted it or not, she always had a bit of an attraction to Mark.

Meredith's little flirtation lasted all throughout the surgery. She let Dr. Anderson do most of the surgery while she walked him through it, stopping to tease him or compliment him when necessary. After scrubbing out Meredith turned to him with a smile. "Did they teach you how to tell a family good news in whatever state medical school you went to?" She joked.

"Oh, you mean Dartmouth? Yeah, I learned something like that." Dr. Anderson took her jokes lightly and teased her back.

"Hmm, I didn't know you went to Dartmouth. I went there, too. Barely. I struggled through it since I basically had a permanent hangover from my time off in Europe. Anyways, go inform the family the patient is going to be okay. Make me look good." Meredith winked, actually _winked_ at Anderson.

"You don't need anyone to make you look good, Dr. Grey, you do that all on your own." Dr. Anderson said with a small voice and turned on his heel to go find the family.

Meredith thought hard about what he said as she walked down the hall towards an on call room. He was right. Meredith was good. When Derek was in DC she was on fire. She wasn't losing patients, she was a great mom, and she was able to balance all the important things in her life. And then Derek cheated.

Meredith's head was spinning with bad memories. Any bad Derek memory she could possibly remember fluttered to her head.

You must be the woman whose been screwing my husband.

Addison.

You really get around. It's unforgiveable.

This thing with us is finished. It's over. It's done.

I don't know if I can keep trying to breathe for you.

What if I find someone else?

Rose.

That's what you and I do together. We kill things. Over and over and over again.

We're done. I don't want to work with you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you. We're done.

You screwed me. You screwed this hospital. You screwed yourself.

I don't know how to raise a child with someone who doesn't understand that there's a right and a wrong in the world.

 _So now I'm going to be a bad mother, that's where you're going with this._

You've been saying it for weeks. Maybe you're right.

I have no reason to trust you.

You sound just like your mother.

 _You wanted to hurt me and you did that. You could do worse than compare me to a brilliant surgeon. But you meant it in the sense that I'm cold, and ambitious, and selfish, a horrible wife and mother._

I came home because we're in trouble. I came home to work on this, on us.

I thought DC was everything and I was wrong.

You… You. You're everything.

I love you. And I'm not gonna stop loving you.

Meredith, I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to prove it.

 _I can live without you. But I don't want to. I don't ever want to._

The sobs Meredith was holding back before finally released. Tears streamed uncontrollably down here face and she couldn't breathe. Anderson was right; Meredith was good on her own. She didn't need anyone else to make her look good or even feel good but it was sure nice to have someone. Derek was her someone. She could live without him, but she really didn't want to. She just didn't know how to live with him with all the water under the thing or whatever.

Meredith was suddenly feeling exhausted from the day and nausea quickly overcame her. She sprinted to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up. Delicate hands entered Meredith's hair, massaging her scalp and pulling back any loose strands into a ponytail.

"You're okay, Mer. Big breaths. Get it all out, you're okay." The voice took Meredith by surprise and she felt relief course throughout her body.

"Lexie." Meredith cried. "My marriage sucks."

"No, Mer, your marriage doesn't suck. Derek loves you so much. Don't say that, you guys are going to work it out. I know for sure everything is going to be okay." Lexie soothed her, rubbing her back. Meredith felt so tired she couldn't imagine moving back into the room to lay in a bed. She shifted on the floor laying down so that her head was in Lexie's lap. She clutched tightly onto Lexie's scrub pant leg and breathed deeply. She closed her eyes and tried so hard to forget about the day.

"I miss you, Lex." Meredith had tried so hard not to make Lexie feel bad about leaving to go to New York, she knew it was what was best for her but she had felt so empty without Lexie and Cristina in her life. Lexie only sighed in response and continued to rub her back until Meredith fell asleep.

 **Okay so don't kill me! I was rewatching Greys & was amazed at how _mean_ Derek was to Meredith before he left for DC. I think the show should have hashed out some of their problems more rather than just saying "hey I don't want to live without you, take me back." I PROMISE a happy ending is in sight (after a couple bumps, of course!) **

**Reviews are love :)**


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